Invitation to a christening

“Welcome, ladies and gentlemen,” said Sven Mayhem, “to the inaugural meeting of our organisation. Before we turn to the agenda, I just need to remind you all that the toilets are next to reception and, in the event of a fire, the alarm will sound and we should all congregate in the car park. Now, our first item of business is a plenary session. I’d like it if we could make suggestions for what our organisation should be called. I’ll throw it open to the group.”

 

Janice Megaton raised her hand.
“Yes, Janice,” said Sven, “go ahead.”
“Thank you,” said Janice. “I’d like to go against the conventional thinking concerning the naming of organisations such as ours. They always tend to be intimidating which sets people against us from the outset.”
There was a murmuring of intrigued agreement from the other delegates.
“Instead of something like SPIDER or the Cabal of Horror, we should go with something light hearted that will sound ridiculous in the mouths of politicians and journalists.” said Janice. “Imagine a Prime Minister saying ‘We will fight Uncle Bobo’s Fun Farm with every resource at our disposal’ or ‘Your Pants are one of the greatest threats we face’.”
“It’s an excellent idea,” said Viktor Klaw. “I’d say though that our name be a single word. To avoid embarrassment, world leaders and the media would simply refer to Uncle Bobo’s Fun Farm as UBFF and Your Pants as YP.”
“URANUS,” said Sir Ronald Treachery. “‘We will not stand for the atrocities committed by URANUS.’”
“How about DOGSHIT?” said Archbishop Savage, the Clergyman of Chaos, “‘The President today promised to stamp hard on DOGSHIT.’ That way we could also raise awareness of the blight on our pavements.”
Nobody spoke. Somebody coughed.
“Got it,” said Janice, at last. “LOVE. Imagine it. ‘The government promises to fight LOVE at both home and abroad.’ ‘LOVE has no place in a civilised society, said the Prime Minister.’ ‘LOVE represents a twisted ideology that will never win, writes Johnny Pundit.’”
“And it could stand for League of Violent Extremists as well,” said Viktor.
“Well, I think we’ve heard enough,” said Sven. “Let’s put it to the vote. Who agrees we should be called LOVE?”
Every hand in the room was raised.
“Excellent,” said Sven, crossing out Item One on his agenda. “I think we can take an early coffee break.

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